Every time you left me, my world came to a halt. But what I would actually feel was that it was the end of everything. Hope was something too scary to even hold on to. There was something about it which I couldn’t trust. Hope brought me so much disillusionment and pain. I would rather deal with each pain, each blow that your leaving has caused me, each nightmare. I had to deal with all this whether I liked it or not. But you know what, it somehow made me stronger, more resilient. It made me understand pain more and I realized these things have to be embraced and not resisted. The more that we resist it, the more that it gets to us, the more it becomes intense. Yes, I have accepted pain, thanks to you. I have become familiar to it, less scared. There were too many sunsets that I have mourned. And they will not cease to make me grieve the nights. But I am more aware of it now. They’re part of how I learn to constantly let go.
Those days were magical, no matter how frightening. The giggles were endless, the day dreaming was essential to get through each day. The rest of the world melted in the background whenever I saw you. I missed that. I miss you. I miss myself whenever I was with you. I miss the intensity of what I felt, out of my innocence, out of not knowing anything — just the feelings, just the amazement of this world I had just discovered.